THE MISSING GRANDMOTHER

Sitting at the Well of Origin, that Pool of Wisdom, I ask: Where to find the Missing Grandmother.
Why is She missing in the world.
Why is She missing in my world.
I wrap myself around this question and listen and wait…..
What I hear is the sound of tinkling Ice, a Song so clear and still.
What I hear is the sound of tinkling Ice turning into the sound of melting Water. And the sound of melting Water is slowly changing into a soft Whispering, a Whispering that seems to come from all directions.
I wrap myself around the Whispers and wait….

Whispers of Water

I’m standing on a Path, the Woods behind me, Woods I just left after wandering around for years and years. Grandfather Oak stands in front of me and smiles at me.
“Welcome back", he says.
“Come and sit with me and tell me about your adventures in the Woods".
I sit down at his Foot leaning my back against his Trunk and a sigh is finding its way out before it allows words to come out.
“I have been wandering around for years and years, sitting at many Campfires of many Peoples. Meeting Grandmothers from different Cultures, from different Colors and different places. I heard a lot, I learned a lot. Stories, Songs and Dances. Ancient Wisdom seen through their Lenses. I learned a lot.
But while leaving the Woods all at the sudden I realized that I have missed one specific Fire, that I have missed one specific Grandmother, a Grandmother of the North, a white one. I didn’t found Her Sacred Fires. Did I miss it or don’t we have a Native Indigenous European Grandmother?"
Silence. “Grandfather, where is the Grandmother of the North, of my indigenous Heritage."
“I cannot tell you where She is. You must find Her yourself. Rest a bit here and then continue your Journey. This Path will lead you into another Spiral of the Labyrinth of your Life. Only You can Walk that Spiral. Only You can Walk the Labyrinth of Your Life."

tracks-in-the-snowAnd so after resting for a certain time I step back on the Path again, like a Cross-Country Skier stepping back in the Tracks again, to follow this Long and Winding Road, up and down and flat again, down and up and flat again, meandering like a river leaving debris on one side, showing erosion on the other side.
After a certain time I hear tinkling Ice again and the sound of melting Water. The Path widens and like a clearing in a forest there in front of me is an open space which sounds like a Cave, a large Cave.
Now I hear the sound of a burning Fire and a voice saying: “Welcome back. Welcome back. Come and sit with me by the Fire. Rest a bit and then tell me about your adventures in the Woods."

And again I tell my story about my wandering around in the woods, sitting at many Sacred Fires, learning a lot and about missing one specific Fire, missing one specific Grandmother, She who dwells in the North.
How come that this Grandmother is missing in the world. How come that She is missing in my world.

“This Grandmother has never been missing in the world nor in yours. She has always been there. But many people are not looking into Her direction and so don’t see Her. She is not easy to find. She is not loud but silent. She is not spectacular but simple. She is hidden beyond Cultural Walls built from patriarchal Stones so one has to break down these Walls and has to dig really deep through snow and ice to get to Her. One has to reach beyond the war-like male dominant stories, songs, myths and legends to find Her, the Native European Grandmother, the white one. She belongs to the Circle of Indigenous Grandmothers but is mostly overlooked, forgotten, living so far away up in the very North. And who does like Cold and Darkness and is willing to set out on a Journey to find Her?"

“The Grandmother of the North has always been there.
Her Wisdom is Singing in your Blood, carved into your Bones, Woven into your Heart and Soul. She has been calling you and you finally heard Her and have followed Her Voice.
You can rest here as long as you wish and then I’ll send you back, back into the world. But before you go we will Sit by the Fire and I will Share the Secrets of the North with you. And I will offer you a Drink, the Mead of Memory, so that you will remember everything you’ve learned here when being back in the world. So it will be, so it will happen."

I find myself back at the Well of Origin.
Do I still hear the sound of the burning Fire or is it the melting Water?
No, this sound is different.
What I hear is a Spinning Wheel.
Someone out there is Spinning the Threads and softly Singing a Song.
I listen and I hear a clear voice saying: “Good Morning, Granddaughter, welcome back" and a Spindle is laid in my hands.

grandmother-on-spinning-wheel

廣告

ANCESTORS’ CALL

Threads are pulled up, a Web has been Woven and will shine and brightly hang in the World Tree.
With these words, I finished a Journey that I’m back Home from only recently.

It all starts with a Dream at Full Moon Night, a Lucid Dream. It is like being awake, but I’m Dreaming.snake-woman-with-full-moon
There is a Woman besides me, on my left, on the left side of my bed.
She is Pythia and She tells me that Snake Energy will come into me now and it won’t hurt. Then I hear her say that the Serpent is inside me.
The Snake, like a living Serpent Cord used by people to work with Ancestors, immediately goes at work.
While showering the morning after this Dream the Message I hear is: how wonderful it would have been if in those days we would have had Facebook and I would have been in contact with my parents that way. Mom would have loved it.
I decide to create a Memorial Page for my parents which I do that very same day. From that moment all of the sudden, I find myself on a Journey, on a Journey that Drives me, Forces me, to dive deeply into my Ancestry.
Every now and then a soft protest leaves my lips: what about Holy Waters/Sacred Wells, the Topic I should work on for my Women’s Dark Moon Wisdom Course, until I get it that the River of Blood is also Holy Water and a Sacred Well.
It looks like that I have to work this Topic out this way.

And so I cross the Big Pond and start my Journey where once my Ancestors started their Journey, venturing from the Netherlands to the United States, Michigan.
From the moment I get up till the moment I go to bed, I am wandering around on the WorldWideWeb to Repair the Threads, to find and bring back a lost Branch of our Family Tree, back to its Home in the World Tree.
I thought I would like to find a living Family Member, but when time passes it becomes clear that that is not important, that it even might cause a Split.
It is my Journey along the River of Life back to the Source, the Well of Origin, to Repair and Heal.
If I would meet someone in person that would be okay, but I no longer try and create such a moment of connecting.
This is about Essence.

I find Names and Dates of Birth and Death, I find bits and pieces of a Family Story over a time span from end 1800s up until now.
I’ve heard the story being told by my parents many times, but now I find much more and when I’m finally holding this Branch in my hands, I can only Smile and be proud of my Family, of those who are my Ancestors now and of those still being alive.grand-river-at-grand-rapids

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It tells me about what Blood is streaming through my veins. It tells me about huge Male Energy providing the strength to go forward and go for your Dreams/Goals, but it also tells me about a huge Female Energy, the Women behind these Men, and there is one Woman to whom I feel especially drawn.
She has received my Family Name by marriage and when I read her obituary I wished I’d met her.
She, a Woman born 100 years ago who was a Teacher in Chemistry, who was teaching at other schools when they moved to another place, that she was playing the piano, was clever with words and poetry and very good in Storytelling and Family History.
Claire was her Name and when I find a picture of her on the Web, I can feel a soft Energy coming from her, a pure Divine Feminine Energy I recognize from my mother, an Energy that was surrounding her body after she had left it, an Energy of Love, of Compassion, which I also recognize as the energy of Kwan Yin.

And what I experience is Eihwaz, the Rune of Balance, the Rune that holds the Wisdom of so above so below, so within so without. In other words, She, Claire, was the Woman behind that very successful Man, but she also was the Woman standing besides him, not hidden but visible in a very clear way.
It is her incredible Feminine Energy that has carried and nourished the Manifestations of her Husband, and her own, and has nourished her in supporting him the active way she has done.
Claire has been seen and has received the Credits she deserves otherwise I never could have found her Story which made me understand my Story.tree-with-webs

While approaching Dark Moon feeling the Energy going down I finally sit silently and quietly at the Well of Origin. A deep wound within myself is healed by pulling up these Threads and Weaving them back into our Family Tree – into the World Tree – for ever more.

P.S. When I finally Meet a Living Family Member my Blood, Heart and Soul are telling me loud and clear that this Journey was NOT about Essence only…or was it? If so, then it Dwells right in the Heart of the Smithy where Family Bonds are Woven. 🙂

ISA AND THE STAFF CARRYING WOMAN

“You may not remember
But someone
in some future time,
will…"
Fragment of a Sappho Poem – 7th C.BCE.

northern lights ice fields

ISA = I Wait
And the Mystery within is contained and revealed

It was at Winter Solstice 2014 that Isa came my way. In the turmoil of changes She came to me with the Message to Sit and Be Still.
Be still and Listen, Listen and Feel. No plans, no solutions, just sit and be still.
It was at night before falling asleep that She invited me to come and stand on the Ice with Her experiencing spaciousness, feeling clarity and noticing under the Ice some soft rippling of the Waters, deep down below.
She helped me to slow down, to wait and watch things appear instead of pushing them into form. She helped me to wait for things to be ripened and ready to harvest or to let die. She helped me to stand strong in all this waiting and to always find my way back to the Center, the Center of my life, the Center of Life.isa rune

But Isa is more than Ice only.
The Ice Rune Isa is shaped as a vertical line, as a Stav or Staff.

Staff Carrying Woman
It was in 2012 that I met Isa for the first time during a workshop dedicated to IxChel, Mayan Goddess of the Moon and Waters, Childbirth and Death, Weaving and Rainbows.
IxChel leads me back to the Mayan Moondance.

 

top of Ixchel's TempleIn 1994 the Keeper of the Mayan MoonDance, Isabel Varga, decided the time had come to send the Dance out into the world for the Healing of Mother Earth and all Her Children.
During 4 nights (the 4th being the Full Moon Night) Women are dancing from Sunset till Sunrise within a Sacred Circle while Men are playing the Drum and Singing the Songs outside the Circle. Yin and Yang working together in a very harmonious way.
Women traditionally promised to dance the Moondance at least 4 times in their lives. After the 4th Dance they became a Staff Carrying Woman and were allowed to start their own Moondance Circle.
I’ve danced this Dance 4 times in my life and became a Staff Carrying Woman,  but I did not open up a new Moondance Circle.

 

After wandering around for many years I finally have found my way back to the Sacred Fire of my indigenous European Ancestors.
As my Foremothers have shown me the way back to the so called Motherlands, Old Europe as Marija Gimbutas named it, the ancestral Lineage of my grandfather (my mothers father) who was German has led me to Northern Europe.
The Runes have had my interest since long but it is not until the past few months that 3 Women have come my way who have each inspired me to step back on Track, to look differently at the, for me, macho Sagas of Norse Mythology and reach beyond Indo-European Culture (beyond Odin’s time).
Both my Maternal Lineage and my Grandpa’s Lineage have guided me back into Pre-Indo-European (Pre-Patriarchal?) times to find the Broken Threads and Heal them.
And all the time from 2012 up until now,  Isa kept coming back and I wondered what Message she might have for me, Isa the Ice Rune, Isa the Stav.

Then I find the Volva / Staff Carrying Woman of Ancient Northern Europe.volva simple drawing with stav
Women who could transform one substance into another by Spinning, Weaving, Churning, Baking etc., but who also used their Stav to travel in the Inner World.
By using the Stav in making Rhythms, Chanting and Voicing Tones and Runes they could find their way in the Inner World and still do so.
And what struck me like a lightning bolt is that as the Volva can find her way in the Inner World with help of her Stav.  I have found my way in the outer world during whole my life with help of my Staff being a Cane, the Cane I call Isa now.

So Isa is very important for me being Stillness and being the Stav in the outer world as well as in the Inner World.

Sitting at the Well of Origin repairing the Broken Threads and Weaving them back into the Web of Wyrd I smile realizing Volva and Bees have something in common.
As the Staff Carrying Women are known for their ability of transforming one substance into another so are Bees – Transmuting Nectar into Honey.
And so Isa and Honey Priestessa go hand in hand here.

NOrns

MANDALA OF SOUND

dream weaver

“All Existence is Vibration"
“Sound is the basis of that is"
Joseph Rael

In the beginning there was the Medicine Wheel. I walked its Rounds many times and each time I walked something different showed itself to me. The Circle and the Cross brought me in all Directions, in all Seasons, all Phases of the Moon, in all areas of Day and Night. Again and again and again.
And when I crossed Roads pieces fell into places in a moment of silence right there in the Center, the Center of nothingness, of unmanifestedness, of all potency presence.
But how would it feel if I would start in the Center and go from there weaving the vibrations like Threads into a Web of Life?

lotus

I sit in silence and connect myself with the Hive outside. I take my Drum and start playing the Heart Rhythm. And there She is, Otter Woman, soft, quiet, in Peace telling me not to be too serious.
I’m sitting at the Waterside and enjoy being together with Her.
After returning I sit in silence still, holding the Drum, feeling the Circle shape itself into a Hexagon. After 26 years the Circle of my Medicine Wheel is changed into a Hexagon and six Women are standing at its Angles.
Then this Image changes again and I feel how the Medicine Wheel and the Hexagon are unfolding the Heartchakra.
The Hexagon surrounded by a Circle surrounded by 12 Lotus Petals like the 12 Stones in the outer circle of my Wheel.
The Center feels empty. Nothing there. I sit still and wait and listen and feel and breathe. I am breathing and I am breath. I feel the rhythm of breathing, of breath, inside me and around me, contracting – expanding like Ebb and Flow towards and from that Sacred Place. It is here that we can hear the Hum of Bees, it is here that we can hear the Voice of the Hive Mother. Here we Sing everything into Creation weaving vibrations into The Web of Life.
And I know a “Mind Map" is born, a “Mind Map" being a Healing Mantra, a “Mind Map" being a Mandala of Sound.

This writing is published August 28th 2014 as a response to an assignment to create a Mind Map centered around Sacred Beekeeping.
Now, almost two years later, I am again standing in the Center, I’ve consciously stepped into the Center of the Norse Spirit Wheel of Life, into the Living Wisdom of the World Tree, Laerath, The Listener. She invites us to Listen and Feel, to Hear the Whispered Secrets encircling Her and to experience Balance between Mind AND Body – Body AND Mind, and so much more.
In my first Meeting with Her so many pieces fall into place that I haven’t words to describe it not other than – Finally Home – Finally Home With Me.

Yew tree 2

HONEY KISSES

These Sister Bees are showing us how to transmute Nectar into Honey.
Each Bee receiving the Nectar is adding Her special Enzyme, Medicine, to then pass it on.
This Process, so called Honey Kisses, goes on until the Nectar is transmuted into Honey and available for every Member of the Hive.

What a Beeautiful way of Transformation.
What a lovely Bee Teaching about the benefits of Sharing.

When being in a transformational period of time, when transmuting Nectar offered through Life into Honey, we also can Share our thoughts and feelings with someone else or with others who might add their special Enzymes, their Medicine, to make it easier to flow from one situation into another.
Let’s allow ourselves to make transitions in a more gentle and peaceful way.

I am grateful for the help I receive(d) to shed old Patterns, allowing me to flow into new ones.
I am grateful for and thoroughly enjoy Honey Kisses.

ODE TO THE UNBORN

Sitting at the Well of Origin I hear the Water whispering Names, Names of Dreams about montezuma_well_by_derek150-d45me5qto be born.
Here is the place where Starry Children come down to wrap themselves into a Dream and set out on a Journey on the River of Life.
Here Threads are Spun and magically Woven into Songs and Stories who want to live with us, wherever we go, whever we are.
I hear a Voice, a Clarity, I recognize from a time long ago when She visited me during a night, wanting me as Her Rite of Passage, wanting me as Her Stairway from Heaven onto Earth.
But I would not be the one to open that Door for Her.
Now She is asking me to tell a Story, to tell the Story of Blood Sacrifice.

indian woman with corn basketVoices of Women rise up in the Sky, come down to the Earth again while entering a Circle of Sacred Stones. Some of us are carrying baskets filled with Corn. While walking the Circle round and round, Chanting the Chant, Singing the Song, we generously Offer Corn to this Land, to Mother Earth, to our Ancestors and to the Work to come.
When all is given in Song and Offering we are gathered around an Altar of Stone and each Woman, one by one, will now walk up to the Altar to do the Work. When I’m standing there in the Center of the Circle for a split second I’m panicking. I’m holding a baby in my arms laying her down in front of me. No, I haven’t done that….It simply cannot be that I have ever done this and I definitely won’t do it now.

I take the saw in my hand with discernment and start working. While sawing I turn the Head round and round until a little Lid is left, almost falling off.
I remove the upper part of the Head which makes the sound of a cork leaving a bottle of champaign.
The Heart is opened.
I step back to take my place holding her in my arms, against my heart, Heartbeat to Heartbeat, to beat as one.
When everyone is finished we walk back to the Temple still Chanting the Chant, still Singing the Song.
That weekend The Sacred Gourd will be transformed into a Healing Rattle.
That weekend I will be transformed by Experiencing the Meaning of the Word Sacredness and it is there that I find the Story of Blood Sacrifice.

In that night long ago when I heard her voice, that Clarity, it was then that I realized that I had made a choice based on culture, opinions and beliefs without even asking the Wisdom of my Heart.
The Chatter in my head had been so loud that the Voice of my Heart could not be heard.
Now this Clarity, this Clear voice is Piercing through all the sounds opening my heart and I cannot but Feel.
Ten years later I will hear a story of a young woman having an abortion at will and falling into a depression afterwards.
A Peruvian Shaman told her that we, women of the western world, don’t have a clue about Blood Sacrifice.
He said that when a woman, consciously or not, makes the choice to not have children she is practicing Blood Sacrifice saving her energy needed for carrying, birthing and feeding a child for something different, for something she alone knows it is worth it.
And I wondered what can it be that is so important that its worth a life?

Again ten years later I hear a woman say that, women who have no children or sons only, being the last of the female branch of their lineage, are here on earth for a very special reason and again I wonder, what can it be that is so important that its worth a life?

I was haunted by this thought like a prey hunted by a predator constantly having that feeling I have to come up with something really special to do in and with my life.

Years later I will learn about the True Meaning of Blood Sacrifice.womencircle
The word Sacrifice comes from Latin sacrificium = Sacred Action or Action performed by a “Sacer" = Holy Person or, in Sacredness.
True Blood Sacrifice has nothing to do with killing but has everything to do with Blood Offering, Offering Moon Blood practiced by Women in ancient times. They carried the Wisdom that Moon Blood is filled with nourishments enriching the Land, nurturing Mother Earth and this for sure is a Holy Action practiced in Sacredness.
For a long time Mother Earth has done without it but these days more and more Women are tapping in that Ancient Wisdom and start practicing this True Blood Sacrifice again.

Sitting at the Well of Origin Whispering Waters are no longer heard. The Well is shrouded in Mystery.
And I ask: what is so important that its worth a Life?
And from beyond the clouds where the primordial Waters lie a Face is piercing through the Mists, smiling.
And it is the Voice of my Heart I hear now when its softly whispering – when its softly whispering My Name.

DRINKING THE MEAD

lynn andrews transformation

“Refuse to fall down.
If you cannot refuse to fall down,
refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down
lift your heart toward heaven
and like a hungry beggar,
ask that it be filled,
and it will be filled.
You may be pushed down.
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you
from lifting your heart
toward heaven —
only you.
It is in the midst of misery
that so much becomes clear.
The one who says nothing good
came of this,
is not yet listening."
~Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

“I’m standing in a meadow. Grass all around. In front of me on a distance a long long wooden fence and a Deep Knowing within that when Robert Madden Moon Over Smith BridgeI will pass that fence there won’t be a returning back for ever more."
I am 9 having extreme high fever and did not pass.
I had a Drink of the Ancient Mead but nothing did I know about Mead and the Well of Origin.

 

In November 1983 this Window of Knowing will open once again. It is like the Pause between two Breaths, like the Pause between two Heart Beats, this split second out of time and space in which a Clear Deep Knowing can come through and it came through, to me, once again that evening while joining a lecture about Carl Gustav Jung, the Swiss psychologist whose multidimensional approach, whose Bridging Science and Sacred deeply resonated in me. It is on that evening of recognition, of feeling acknowledged for the firtst time in my life, that I all at the sudden Know that everything that has happened in my life up until that moment makes sense, that it simply makes sense. No more, no less.
Again, I had a Drink of the Ancient Mead but still I did not know anything about Mead and the Well of Origin.

Mead Woman

A few years later I am entering what would turn out to be the Darkest Time of my life.
In that Dark Season 4 Faeries come to me handing down to me, each, a Holy (Healing) Spell. They Teach me how to Speak these Spells and if I will do it the right way I will be able to Heal myself, they say.

1. “God and Devil are the same as Good and Evil. The difference is only one letter."
This simple Saying opened my Ears for Language. When reading books words would spontaneously open and close again showing me a new world that, in its Essence, was an old and ancient one. And so I learn that Female Words are not only the opposite of Male Words but that they include Male Words and doing so can be seen as Symbols of Wholeness, of Oneness, as is the Circle.
Words have never been the same again. They are transmuted into Symbols, into Hieroglyphs, Gateways into another Realm.
The first Word showing Herself to me that way was “She" “S-He"

2. “Ask yourself why you feel what you feel."
“If you want to break up any relationship you’re in, and know that you have the right to do so, just realise that you will bring yourself with you, always. A new relationship may look bright and shiny but one day you will meet yourself again and come to that place of walking away again or asking yourself: why do I feel what I feel."

3. “Your Body Remembers"
Being on my way to my Psychology Lessons as part of my Holistic Healing Study. Sitting in the train, feeling sick, having irregular heartbeat, panick, full of fear.
Surprise. It went so well and here it is again.
Teacher: “did this happen before?"
Me: “Yes."
Teacher: “Was it also on the way to your Lessons here?"
Me: “Yes."
Teacher: “Your Body remembers. Your Body remembers and reacts the way it did the very first time.
As long as what is beyond these feelings is not completely worked through your body will remember and react, any time you will get in a situation similar to the original one, as being in that original one."

And so I began to Drink from the Cup of Memory, from the Cauldron filled with Precious Mead, that Blend of Spirit, Memory and Poetry that would lead me through the Underworld, through the Labyrinth of Love to finally find myself in the Center of what turned out to be a Lemniscate.

4. “Bond And Bondage"
“When you’re standing in one Circle with someone else, only one of the two of you can stand in the Center. The other always has to turn with the centered one, as a Satellite, without any Will.
When you’re standing in an 8 with someone else, the two of you will each stand in the Center of your own Circle, still being connected through the Golden Thread forming the 8, the Lemniscate.
This makes the difference between Bond and Bondage."

And so I started Dancing my Dance, started Singing my Song of Creation, gaining more and more Understanding of the Ancient Mead and the Well of Origin.

dancing under night skyJupiter and venus dancing in night sky