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THE MISSING GRANDMOTHER

Sitting at the Well of Origin, that Pool of Wisdom, I ask: Where to find the Missing Grandmother.
Why is She missing in the world.
Why is She missing in my world.
I wrap myself around this question and listen and wait…..
What I hear is the sound of tinkling Ice, a Song so clear and still.
What I hear is the sound of tinkling Ice turning into the sound of melting Water. And the sound of melting Water is slowly changing into a soft Whispering, a Whispering that seems to come from all directions.
I wrap myself around the Whispers and wait….

Whispers of Water

I’m standing on a Path, the Woods behind me, Woods I just left after wandering around for years and years. Grandfather Oak stands in front of me and smiles at me.
“Welcome back", he says.
“Come and sit with me and tell me about your adventures in the Woods".
I sit down at his Foot leaning my back against his Trunk and a sigh is finding its way out before it allows words to come out.
“I have been wandering around for years and years, sitting at many Campfires of many Peoples. Meeting Grandmothers from different Cultures, from different Colors and different places. I heard a lot, I learned a lot. Stories, Songs and Dances. Ancient Wisdom seen through their Lenses. I learned a lot.
But while leaving the Woods all at the sudden I realized that I have missed one specific Fire, that I have missed one specific Grandmother, a Grandmother of the North, a white one. I didn’t found Her Sacred Fires. Did I miss it or don’t we have a Native Indigenous European Grandmother?"
Silence. “Grandfather, where is the Grandmother of the North, of my indigenous Heritage."
“I cannot tell you where She is. You must find Her yourself. Rest a bit here and then continue your Journey. This Path will lead you into another Spiral of the Labyrinth of your Life. Only You can Walk that Spiral. Only You can Walk the Labyrinth of Your Life."

tracks-in-the-snowAnd so after resting for a certain time I step back on the Path again, like a Cross-Country Skier stepping back in the Tracks again, to follow this Long and Winding Road, up and down and flat again, down and up and flat again, meandering like a river leaving debris on one side, showing erosion on the other side.
After a certain time I hear tinkling Ice again and the sound of melting Water. The Path widens and like a clearing in a forest there in front of me is an open space which sounds like a Cave, a large Cave.
Now I hear the sound of a burning Fire and a voice saying: “Welcome back. Welcome back. Come and sit with me by the Fire. Rest a bit and then tell me about your adventures in the Woods."

And again I tell my story about my wandering around in the woods, sitting at many Sacred Fires, learning a lot and about missing one specific Fire, missing one specific Grandmother, She who dwells in the North.
How come that this Grandmother is missing in the world. How come that She is missing in my world.

“This Grandmother has never been missing in the world nor in yours. She has always been there. But many people are not looking into Her direction and so don’t see Her. She is not easy to find. She is not loud but silent. She is not spectacular but simple. She is hidden beyond Cultural Walls built from patriarchal Stones so one has to break down these Walls and has to dig really deep through snow and ice to get to Her. One has to reach beyond the war-like male dominant stories, songs, myths and legends to find Her, the Native European Grandmother, the white one. She belongs to the Circle of Indigenous Grandmothers but is mostly overlooked, forgotten, living so far away up in the very North. And who does like Cold and Darkness and is willing to set out on a Journey to find Her?"

“The Grandmother of the North has always been there.
Her Wisdom is Singing in your Blood, carved into your Bones, Woven into your Heart and Soul. She has been calling you and you finally heard Her and have followed Her Voice.
You can rest here as long as you wish and then I’ll send you back, back into the world. But before you go we will Sit by the Fire and I will Share the Secrets of the North with you. And I will offer you a Drink, the Mead of Memory, so that you will remember everything you’ve learned here when being back in the world. So it will be, so it will happen."

I find myself back at the Well of Origin.
Do I still hear the sound of the burning Fire or is it the melting Water?
No, this sound is different.
What I hear is a Spinning Wheel.
Someone out there is Spinning the Threads and softly Singing a Song.
I listen and I hear a clear voice saying: “Good Morning, Granddaughter, welcome back" and a Spindle is laid in my hands.

grandmother-on-spinning-wheel

廣告

ANCESTORS’ CALL

Threads are pulled up, a Web has been Woven and will shine and brightly hang in the World Tree.
With these words, I finished a Journey that I’m back Home from only recently.

It all starts with a Dream at Full Moon Night, a Lucid Dream. It is like being awake, but I’m Dreaming.snake-woman-with-full-moon
There is a Woman besides me, on my left, on the left side of my bed.
She is Pythia and She tells me that Snake Energy will come into me now and it won’t hurt. Then I hear her say that the Serpent is inside me.
The Snake, like a living Serpent Cord used by people to work with Ancestors, immediately goes at work.
While showering the morning after this Dream the Message I hear is: how wonderful it would have been if in those days we would have had Facebook and I would have been in contact with my parents that way. Mom would have loved it.
I decide to create a Memorial Page for my parents which I do that very same day. From that moment all of the sudden, I find myself on a Journey, on a Journey that Drives me, Forces me, to dive deeply into my Ancestry.
Every now and then a soft protest leaves my lips: what about Holy Waters/Sacred Wells, the Topic I should work on for my Women’s Dark Moon Wisdom Course, until I get it that the River of Blood is also Holy Water and a Sacred Well.
It looks like that I have to work this Topic out this way.

And so I cross the Big Pond and start my Journey where once my Ancestors started their Journey, venturing from the Netherlands to the United States, Michigan.
From the moment I get up till the moment I go to bed, I am wandering around on the WorldWideWeb to Repair the Threads, to find and bring back a lost Branch of our Family Tree, back to its Home in the World Tree.
I thought I would like to find a living Family Member, but when time passes it becomes clear that that is not important, that it even might cause a Split.
It is my Journey along the River of Life back to the Source, the Well of Origin, to Repair and Heal.
If I would meet someone in person that would be okay, but I no longer try and create such a moment of connecting.
This is about Essence.

I find Names and Dates of Birth and Death, I find bits and pieces of a Family Story over a time span from end 1800s up until now.
I’ve heard the story being told by my parents many times, but now I find much more and when I’m finally holding this Branch in my hands, I can only Smile and be proud of my Family, of those who are my Ancestors now and of those still being alive.grand-river-at-grand-rapids

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It tells me about what Blood is streaming through my veins. It tells me about huge Male Energy providing the strength to go forward and go for your Dreams/Goals, but it also tells me about a huge Female Energy, the Women behind these Men, and there is one Woman to whom I feel especially drawn.
She has received my Family Name by marriage and when I read her obituary I wished I’d met her.
She, a Woman born 100 years ago who was a Teacher in Chemistry, who was teaching at other schools when they moved to another place, that she was playing the piano, was clever with words and poetry and very good in Storytelling and Family History.
Claire was her Name and when I find a picture of her on the Web, I can feel a soft Energy coming from her, a pure Divine Feminine Energy I recognize from my mother, an Energy that was surrounding her body after she had left it, an Energy of Love, of Compassion, which I also recognize as the energy of Kwan Yin.

And what I experience is Eihwaz, the Rune of Balance, the Rune that holds the Wisdom of so above so below, so within so without. In other words, She, Claire, was the Woman behind that very successful Man, but she also was the Woman standing besides him, not hidden but visible in a very clear way.
It is her incredible Feminine Energy that has carried and nourished the Manifestations of her Husband, and her own, and has nourished her in supporting him the active way she has done.
Claire has been seen and has received the Credits she deserves otherwise I never could have found her Story which made me understand my Story.tree-with-webs

While approaching Dark Moon feeling the Energy going down I finally sit silently and quietly at the Well of Origin. A deep wound within myself is healed by pulling up these Threads and Weaving them back into our Family Tree – into the World Tree – for ever more.

P.S. When I finally Meet a Living Family Member my Blood, Heart and Soul are telling me loud and clear that this Journey was NOT about Essence only…or was it? If so, then it Dwells right in the Heart of the Smithy where Family Bonds are Woven. 🙂

ISA AND THE STAFF CARRYING WOMAN

“You may not remember
But someone
in some future time,
will…"
Fragment of a Sappho Poem – 7th C.BCE.

northern lights ice fields

ISA = I Wait
And the Mystery within is contained and revealed

It was at Winter Solstice 2014 that Isa came my way. In the turmoil of changes She came to me with the Message to Sit and Be Still.
Be still and Listen, Listen and Feel. No plans, no solutions, just sit and be still.
It was at night before falling asleep that She invited me to come and stand on the Ice with Her experiencing spaciousness, feeling clarity and noticing under the Ice some soft rippling of the Waters, deep down below.
She helped me to slow down, to wait and watch things appear instead of pushing them into form. She helped me to wait for things to be ripened and ready to harvest or to let die. She helped me to stand strong in all this waiting and to always find my way back to the Center, the Center of my life, the Center of Life.isa rune

But Isa is more than Ice only.
The Ice Rune Isa is shaped as a vertical line, as a Stav or Staff.

Staff Carrying Woman
It was in 2012 that I met Isa for the first time during a workshop dedicated to IxChel, Mayan Goddess of the Moon and Waters, Childbirth and Death, Weaving and Rainbows.
IxChel leads me back to the Mayan Moondance.

 

top of Ixchel's TempleIn 1994 the Keeper of the Mayan MoonDance, Isabel Varga, decided the time had come to send the Dance out into the world for the Healing of Mother Earth and all Her Children.
During 4 nights (the 4th being the Full Moon Night) Women are dancing from Sunset till Sunrise within a Sacred Circle while Men are playing the Drum and Singing the Songs outside the Circle. Yin and Yang working together in a very harmonious way.
Women traditionally promised to dance the Moondance at least 4 times in their lives. After the 4th Dance they became a Staff Carrying Woman and were allowed to start their own Moondance Circle.
I’ve danced this Dance 4 times in my life and became a Staff Carrying Woman,  but I did not open up a new Moondance Circle.

 

After wandering around for many years I finally have found my way back to the Sacred Fire of my indigenous European Ancestors.
As my Foremothers have shown me the way back to the so called Motherlands, Old Europe as Marija Gimbutas named it, the ancestral Lineage of my grandfather (my mothers father) who was German has led me to Northern Europe.
The Runes have had my interest since long but it is not until the past few months that 3 Women have come my way who have each inspired me to step back on Track, to look differently at the, for me, macho Sagas of Norse Mythology and reach beyond Indo-European Culture (beyond Odin’s time).
Both my Maternal Lineage and my Grandpa’s Lineage have guided me back into Pre-Indo-European (Pre-Patriarchal?) times to find the Broken Threads and Heal them.
And all the time from 2012 up until now,  Isa kept coming back and I wondered what Message she might have for me, Isa the Ice Rune, Isa the Stav.

Then I find the Volva / Staff Carrying Woman of Ancient Northern Europe.volva simple drawing with stav
Women who could transform one substance into another by Spinning, Weaving, Churning, Baking etc., but who also used their Stav to travel in the Inner World.
By using the Stav in making Rhythms, Chanting and Voicing Tones and Runes they could find their way in the Inner World and still do so.
And what struck me like a lightning bolt is that as the Volva can find her way in the Inner World with help of her Stav.  I have found my way in the outer world during whole my life with help of my Staff being a Cane, the Cane I call Isa now.

So Isa is very important for me being Stillness and being the Stav in the outer world as well as in the Inner World.

Sitting at the Well of Origin repairing the Broken Threads and Weaving them back into the Web of Wyrd I smile realizing Volva and Bees have something in common.
As the Staff Carrying Women are known for their ability of transforming one substance into another so are Bees – Transmuting Nectar into Honey.
And so Isa and Honey Priestessa go hand in hand here.

NOrns

MANDALA OF SOUND

dream weaver

“All Existence is Vibration"
“Sound is the basis of that is"
Joseph Rael

In the beginning there was the Medicine Wheel. I walked its Rounds many times and each time I walked something different showed itself to me. The Circle and the Cross brought me in all Directions, in all Seasons, all Phases of the Moon, in all areas of Day and Night. Again and again and again.
And when I crossed Roads pieces fell into places in a moment of silence right there in the Center, the Center of nothingness, of unmanifestedness, of all potency presence.
But how would it feel if I would start in the Center and go from there weaving the vibrations like Threads into a Web of Life?

lotus

I sit in silence and connect myself with the Hive outside. I take my Drum and start playing the Heart Rhythm. And there She is, Otter Woman, soft, quiet, in Peace telling me not to be too serious.
I’m sitting at the Waterside and enjoy being together with Her.
After returning I sit in silence still, holding the Drum, feeling the Circle shape itself into a Hexagon. After 26 years the Circle of my Medicine Wheel is changed into a Hexagon and six Women are standing at its Angles.
Then this Image changes again and I feel how the Medicine Wheel and the Hexagon are unfolding the Heartchakra.
The Hexagon surrounded by a Circle surrounded by 12 Lotus Petals like the 12 Stones in the outer circle of my Wheel.
The Center feels empty. Nothing there. I sit still and wait and listen and feel and breathe. I am breathing and I am breath. I feel the rhythm of breathing, of breath, inside me and around me, contracting – expanding like Ebb and Flow towards and from that Sacred Place. It is here that we can hear the Hum of Bees, it is here that we can hear the Voice of the Hive Mother. Here we Sing everything into Creation weaving vibrations into The Web of Life.
And I know a “Mind Map" is born, a “Mind Map" being a Healing Mantra, a “Mind Map" being a Mandala of Sound.

This writing is published August 28th 2014 as a response to an assignment to create a Mind Map centered around Sacred Beekeeping.
Now, almost two years later, I am again standing in the Center, I’ve consciously stepped into the Center of the Norse Spirit Wheel of Life, into the Living Wisdom of the World Tree, Laerath, The Listener. She invites us to Listen and Feel, to Hear the Whispered Secrets encircling Her and to experience Balance between Mind AND Body – Body AND Mind, and so much more.
In my first Meeting with Her so many pieces fall into place that I haven’t words to describe it not other than – Finally Home – Finally Home With Me.

Yew tree 2

“RISE UP, RISE UP"

It is the Time of Winter Solstice.
Stillness has Woven Her Web through the Woods. Trees are standing tall and strong, their branches crackled showing Life Force has been drawn down into the Roots Dreaming and waiting for the new Spring to come, the Time for the Life Stream to rise up again.

Animals have gone to their sleeping places and when I pass the Hives I greet the Bees who are clustered together now humming on low tone their Winter Song.
Silence everywhere, the only thing I hear is the crispy sound of Earth in response to my feet while I’m making my way to the Medicine Wheel.

For a long time this Wheel has been with me as a Circle and a Cross. Today I take the Cross out of the Circle and instead create a Tree of Life in it.
In the Tree are 6 Lights honoring the way the Bees build their Homes and in between the Branches I lay down Stones gathered from different continents, from different partShows tree clearly, along with white woman statues of the world.

Lighting the Lights Connecting All and Everyone.

Then I set myself down on Mother Earth leaning back against a Tree and ask Dolphin to bring me across the Sacred Waters to the Otherworld and so She does. There, Women are waiting for me. Together we walk and dance along a path towards a clearing where we ignite a Sacred Fire. And while doing so I hear the words: Rise up, Rise up. Rise up, Rise up.
On the Rhythm of these Words I’m carried to another place and time.

Sitting in a Circle of Rose Petals, Listening to the Voice of a Drum, Seeing the Life Force being split in two and coming together again melting into one, in a new Life Form. I feel how I’m drifting in the Sacred Waters, how I’m driven out and into the world, becoming aware of my own Space of Creation, My Womb, and the Womb of Mother Earth. An Image is rising up out of the Earth, an Image of a Woman and the Words circling from Her and all around are: Rise up, Rise up. Rise up, Rise up.

Holding the Stone of Release I let go off this Image and find myself in front of a Cave, a Cave I have visited before. Inside, I find an Old One sitting at the Fire. She invites me to sit with Her and starts speaking to me.

“We are happy that you, again, found your way back to us, to us Members of your Motherline. You didn’t  even know you were Part of us but you are. Your Clan Mother is our Clan Mother. You are our Voice. As long as you will hide yourself away we will be hidden and so will be our Knowledge and Wisdom.
Listen to me, Sister, Listen to what I have to say for it will be you who will bring this Message into the World.

fire in cave with one person sitting crossleggedThe Sacred Feminine never has been wounded neither has the Sacred Masculine. It is Humankind that is deeply wounded, wounded by the tough circumstances they once lived in, the bitter cold and intense heat making the land poor of food. These circumstances made them create a Myth about Sky Gods and a Heavenly Life after Death. They removed Paradise from Earth and placed it into the Heavens. They were disappointed in Mother Earth and turned their backs towards Her. These people long ago came and conquered the world, wounding and killing others in a try to cut out their own inner wounds and kill their own Fear for Living. Because of turning their backs towards Mother Earth they created a split between the Masculine and Feminine within themselves and through them in the outside world, between Masculine and Feminine, between men and women causing unbalance and disharmony between their dreams and their acting upon it.
This period we would get to know as the patriarchal time in history.
Before that there has been people living in the more south of that cold icy continent, in the so called Motherlands. They were nourished by the woods, the land and the sea and they worshiped Mother Earth and the Great Goddess and lived in peace and harmony with Nature and with each other.
You are part of that Culture of Peace.
We, again, have entered a new Era in history, the time of the Return of the Feminine. She has lived in Caves, in the Mountains, in the Sea, on the Moon and in between the Stars waiting for the right time to return. The Time is Now. It is time to heal the wounds, to heal the split by Reconnecting the Sacred Masculine and Sacred Feminine within ourselves and doing so in the outside world.
For Women, it is easier to go down, to descend in the dark and heal themselves and that’s the reason why Women should be the first to go on this Healing Journey to come out again, Rise up again, and help each other and their Brothers to do the same."

“But how can I bring this Message into the world?"

“By remembering who you are. By simply writing down our Message, the Wisdom of your Lineage tapping from the Source of that Ancient Peaceful Culture of Old Europe where your Clan Mother once lived. Give Wings to these Words and let them Fly. They will land wherever and whenever they are welcomed. Don’t worry about that. That is not in your hands. Just be our Voice and let the Message Fly.

bee with pollen about to land on an airy yellow flowerWatch the Bees. They are your Teachers and Healers. They fly out from one field of flowers to another, from one orchard to another gathering Pollen and spreading the Pollen, not worrying about where the Wind is blowing them to. They just Pollinate.
They gather Nectar in the outer world and make Honey out of it within their Homes.
Gather Nectar, Make your Honey, go out and Pollinate and trust the Breath of the Great Mystery that will Blow the Pollen to where it is needed."

With the Sweetness of Mead on my lips I find myself back at the Fire – back with the Women – back in the Woods.

I feel my back against the Tree. I hear the Birds Sing the Dawn.
I stand up and greet the Sun in his first Rise after Standing Still.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-aic4qHQWA&feature=youtu.be

MOUNTAIN CHILD

cave on path in woods

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where Mysteries Dwell and Animals Speak
Where the Voice of Hive Mother is heard in the Night
Where Dreams are Carried on Faerie Wings
And Birds are Singing Dawn into Light
There lives in a Cave a Honey Priestessa
Transmuting Nectar into Honey and Mead
Riding the Tides, Reading the Hieroglyphs
Offering Prayers and Blessing the Seed

Turtle is telling Moon Cycles MythMountain stream with wildflowers at lion lake with bees everywhere
Moon is Sharing Waters Rhythm
Water is Dancing Salmon’s Wisdom
And Heron is patiently standing on a Stone

Bees are Humming the Song of Creation
Blue Jay’s Cry a Sound of Joy
Humming Birds hovering swiftly lightly
And up the Mountain a Footprint of Deer

Oh Appalachian Lily of the Valley
Rabbit Tobacco and Mountain Mint
Hear the Song I Sing for You
Hear the Song I send with the Wind

Sitting at the Fire Wrapped in Silence
This Sacred Mountain Cave my Home
Weaving Threads of many LifeTimes
Into a Shawl for the New Day to Come

In_grandmother's_time_spinning_shaman_spider_woman

Portal of Rebirth

caption id="attachment_142″ align="alignnone" width="604″]hourglass+nebula_NASA Hourglass Nebula, Birth and Death of a Star[/caption]

Emerging from beyond the Clouds, from where the Primordial Waters lie, I slowly descend along the Cord of Intentions Woven by the Great Hive Mother. There are Knots in it, Sounds, Words, Images, Hieroglyphs to help me remember, to show me the way. And while going down She is Weaving me into Her Dream, into Her Plan. And while going down I’m Wrapping myself into my Plan, into my Dream.
When I’m almost down I for the last time call out to Her:
Hive Mother, Please, send me the Songs, send me Stories needed to Remember, to Remember My Name.
Send me the right Words, let them spring forth like the Waters from the Source, Sacred Living Waters, for they will be needed as Mantra’s of Medicine.
Then I step upon the Earth and start walking…..And on that very moment I hear the most beautiful Song rising up from the Birth Chambers deep down below:

catal huyuk

Catal Huyuk

Great Woman, Mother of birds
Your shrine is sticky with beeswax and feathers
Your shrine is loud with throbs, with the beat of wings
You are the vessel beaked and breasted
You contain us as earth contains us, as sky contains stars,
Our ancestors, our yet unborn
We pour through you life after life
The vessel dips into the river, water pours out on earth
Earth drinks of us as corn sucks rain from your breast, as
rain feeds the river

Great Sky Woman
Your shrine is deep in the cradling earth
Your shrine is the spirit’s resting place, beginning place
We are your vessel
You are milk on the wing
We contain you as the body contains breath as the breast
contains milk
You pour through us life after life as breath pours through
us,
The ancestors, the yet unborn return,
Our bodies are their vessels
Earth drinks of us as rain feeds the river

The spirit rises on the wing
The room bums with power; you hear bees; you taste honey.
The woman cries out, her contractions ripple through you like
the bee wings that carry you up as you match breath with
breath as you been trained to do.
The bird comes for you and you ride her out into the free sky
where the stars are smeared like breast milk in a vessel of
dark brew.
They are the souls of the dead; they are the unborn.
They are a vast field of grain and here is your grandmother
walking toward you holding three different stalks of wheat
from three fields.
“Plant these together," she says. Then she is gone.
The bird plucks a star like a glowing fruit with her beak.
The wings beat with your breath. “She’s crowning!" the women
cry. “Bear down. Push!"
You cry out together with one voice The child slides free.
“A girl!" the women cry in delight.
They give her to her mother, who holds her close as the old
women chant a song of praise:
A great gift, a precious gift has come to us . . .
You catch the birth blood in a bowl to pour over the fields.
The child’s skin is covered with the waxy vernix that
protected her in the womb.
The old women rub it into her body and smear some on their
faces. “It make you beautiful," they say.

The shrine is filled with song and laughter.
Tomorrow you will walk the fields.
You will find seeds of three different kinds of grain and
plant them together.
When you have planted and harvested and planted again, season
after season, your daughters and daughters’ daughters
following after, you will have something new: a heavy headed
kernel, easy to thresh, a gift to the people from the
ancestors.
You have brought the knowledge through, for you are a
priestess of the women’s mysteries, shaman of the birth
chamber, ancestor-speaker, the bird’s rider,
a woman of knowledge.

America's Stonehenge

Woman made of soil by women’s hands together at America’s Stonehenge on the Summer Solstice.

The Old Women Chant is written by Starhawk dedicated to Marija Gimbutas and the Birth Chambers of Catal Huyuk